Horror Movie Safety Tips

1. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

2. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

3. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

4. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

5. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

6. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

7. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

8. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

9. If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

10. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

11. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.

12. If you find an unmarked video tape, DVD or computer game DO NOT PLAY IT, bad things are bound to happen.